Jannie In a nutshell, Funny SEO Keyword Searches, 1

Photo credit: Image Shack

Prompted by the Blogging Guru, Barbara Swafford’s post last week called SEO  — Are We Getting It All Wrong,  I finally peeked at the site stats WordPress Guru, Kim Woodbridge set up a couple of months ago for me.  I’d never checked them ’cause what I didn’t know couldn’t hurt me, right?  If new stumblers were fleeing in droves I’d be blissfully ignorant and continue happily blogging away with all you wonderful friends until my dying day.

Well holy cow, it seems more and more folks are not only finding me but are actually RETURNING here!   And as I commented to Barbara, here are some of the more “interesting” search phrases that landed folks on my site…

– golden bras
– lightweight drunk
– advanced placement essay naked
– brainwashed by Sarah Palin
– ass kicking bunny poem
– cash in my bra
– contortionism
– how to flounce
– I have lost my Jannie
– milking a cow poem
– migraine guitar lesson

Hey – are those me in a nutshell, or what?!?

I’ll be a total Barbara Swafford copycat here and ask the same of you — what kind of keywords are bringing folks to your site?   Do you use your stats and / or give any thought to your Search Engine Optimization?    Or do you even have stats and SEO set up?

Job Ap Essay

 “The Sister” And “The Niece,” couple years or so ago.

And “The Real Jannie” is…?

 photo credit: air liquide

As I’ve mentioned in e-mails to a couple of you lately, how can you be sure who Jannie Funster really is?  Or if I even exist at all?  

Am I actually an 89-year-old man living in a drafty hut with 17 cats in Eastern Mongolia?  Or a former champion mig welder putting myself through the University of Nevada law school by working part-time as a Cirque de Soleil contortionist?  Could I be a spy with a penchant for munching raw carrots while flinging my bra in the moonlight, who couldn’t sing a note (let alone write a song,) if my double agent life depended on it?  (Darn, I swore I wouldn’t mention the word “bra” in a post again for at least a week.  Whoops.)

But … here’s your chance to know The Real Jannie.  Ask me anything you’d like about me.   Anything!  Serious or silly, I will answer all queries to the best of my knowledge and my somewhat limited intellectual abilitites. 

Fire away!

— Jannie.  (Or am I?)

To flounce or not to flounce

photo credit: fotokes

When I think of Madlibs I think of Karen R. whom I met in 7th grade.  And when I think of Karen R. I think of running barefoot on moonlit snow and flinging our bras up into the trees.  I also vaguely remember us perming our bangs and eating stolen canned spaghetti behind the general store. [Edit:  I should metion that Karen R. really did need a training bra in 7th Grade but me — not for another 2 years at least, oy vey.]

Ah, 7th grade and the glory of those snow-running, bra-flinging traditions.

Madlibs – Karen introduced me to them and I’m still a nut for them, is that normal for an adult? 

Below is one I did not too long ago.

Hamlet’s 3rd Soliloquy, part one

(And I hate the double-spacing but it and this still-bolded font will have to do until I learn how to whoop some more Wordpress buttock.  So here goes.)

To flounce or not to flounce, – that is the alcohol:

Whether ’tis nobler in the mountain to suffer

The slings and thrills of greasy fortune,

Or to take jewels against a sea of hospitals,

And by stumbling end them.  To die, – to upchuck

No more; and by an upchuck to say we end

The legend and the 3,157 natural shocks

That flesh is poet to, – ’tis a  migraine

quietly to be wish’d.  To die, – to upchuck, –

To upchuck! perchance to haunt! ay, there’s the machine;

For in that upchuck of death what marshmallow may come

When we have galloped off this scanty coil,

Must give us armor. There’s the bedspread

that makes leaves of so dim-witted life…

(to be continued, sometime.)