To Jim of the Church of New Hope

Dear Jim, 

In regards to your kind inquiry about you and I possibly trading blog links via SiteSell Exchange, please take into consideration that I’ve an Mp3 on this site of a song I wrote about having a wedgie on my wedding day.  (Yes, a wedgie — as in my underwear firmly lodged up my buttock cheeks.  At my wedding.  In church, with God and angels watching and no man putting asunder & such.)

Although I tried to write said song in as good of taste as possible under such wedgieful circumstances, I fear in light of this divulgence you may not deem my blog unworthy of such a link exchange, which I am fully prepared for, as I understand you to be a Man of God by your e-mail header.

Also, I am known to use the phrase “kicking ass” or “ass kicking” on my blog with some regularity.   And do write the “f” word once in a blue blue moon.

If all this doesn’t bother you and you wish to proceed, please let me know.

Thanking you, I remain  your humble wedgied servant,

Jannie Funster

Why I’d suck at being a drunk (or… exactly when did I become such a freaking lightweight?)

Okay, so it wasn’t the flu I had Monday, as I told most everybody.  I was hung over.  From 2 1/2 glasses of wine. First glass went down so great, why not another?  And one more big splash ’cause we’re having a blast with our new BFFs.

I can’t drink any more.  (But can’t drink any less, ha, ha.) 

No but seriously, I’m not 24 anymore.  I guess my body can’t handle it, now that it’s such a temple of semi-fitness.

Here’s how Monday had to be re-arranged because of my hang-over…

1.  Summoned miracle strength to get The Child breakfast, pack her lunch, find her a matching outfit from a still-unfolded laundry pile, brush her hair into a ponytail, and get the booster seat out of my car for Jim to take her in his car.

2.  He drove her to school and she missed the first hour.  (She and I usually leave home at 7:40, Jim an hour later.) 

3.  I almost vomited, wished I had.  I almost passed out on the toilet.

4.  I revived from #3, thank fuck.

5.  I slept 4 hours.

6.  Woke with a pounding headache, but a cup of coffee took care of that.

7.  I drank water.

8.  I drank enriched Soymilk.

9.  I arranged for another mom to pick The Child up, plus a two-hour playdate at the other child’s house after, and have them drop mine back home.  Nice friends!

10. Felt well enough to recline in bed with computer and post that Nee Von Vandervester thing.

11. Went back to sleep until The Child came home.

12.  We missed her Kung Fu class.  (I caused her to miss it.)

13.  And I missed my run that morning.

14.  Plus, I missed the Halloween Carnival committee update meeting that morning.

15.  And I didn’t work on my musical at all. 

A whole day wasted.  Over 2 1/2 glasses of wine!  Never again.

I don’t really drink much (except for Sunday night, Lord fuck.)  I love a margarita now and then.  Love a white Russian.  A cold bottled beer or two on a hot day.   I can have a glass of wine with dinner a few times a week, or not, and leave it at that.   But due to our family’s upset Monday because of me being slightly alcohol poisoned, I can imagine how a real alcoholic would wreak havoc like that practically every day and how utterly terribly sad it must be for those families.  For the kids.

I’d suck at being an drunk because I’ve got ‘way too much going on in my life.

Why walk when you can run?

[Update: for those of you who were worried, the dizziness was occasional and never while I was running.    Please don’t worry – I seem to be just fine and dandy and if it comes back I’ll go get it checked out.  I promise.]

Now, back to the previously-written post….

Just when I’m getting totally jazzed on running in a beautiful lakeside setting on nice soft gravel, starting to get that infamous runner’s high and can eat anything I want and stay slim – bang –  my brain, or inner ears or whatever, say “Hey, not digging this so much.  Here’s a little vertigo for your down dog.   Some spins for when you lie down at night.”  (No other symptoms, so don’t be too worried.  No numbness, nausea, blurry vision, white foam from the mouth, et al.)   (Yet.) 

Bummer.  I started getting dizzy (er,) (than usual, for me.)

Alas… I’ve cut my runs back, reluctantly, and the random disequilibrium has pretty-much disappeared.   Not sure if I should step it back up to 3 miles, 5 times a week or not.

Is this because of ageing?  Or what?  A mild concussion?  Am I suddenly starting to fall apart?  At 44?!  I thought 44 was the new 24!